Stress in addition to Liability

December 4th, 2009 Posted in Depression

I am diagnosed since bipolar with severe depression/pressure.  At times, the stress is a very crippling thing.  There are days that I be able to simply handle doing one thing at a period.  If you add going to the store, crowds of public, commotion, loud traffic or personal relationships, things become very difficult to cope with. 

One big thing I have been able to accomplish inside the last few years is not taking it out on other people when I am so stressed out.  It’s likely that I am able to refrain from doing that partly since I try to stay away from citizens as much because likely.  Living by myself accomplishes most of that, but it’s still a special thing I have learned to do and it comes from an action that is called being responsible. 

After I started receiving Veterans Administration Disability, it was very hard managing my cash.  Well, I went through this for about four years.  Then, I guess I got tired of it.  It started appealing to me to be comfortable since opposed to spending money frivolously.  This special newly acquired trait of being responsible soon spread above to other aspects of my life. 

I started paying extra attention to my children since far as the crucial things are concerned, even though I deeply affected them in a negative way prior to my getting improve eight years ago.  I have come to the realization that the greatest and only way I be able to make easier them from currently on is by the example I set with the rest of my life.  That awakening and the one regarding not taking my hardships out on other public helped me to stop justifying my negative actions or words that I thought were the result of someone else’s procedures or words directed toward me. 

I guess if I had to wrap it all up into one word, I couldn’t.  It means extra with two words…..”being responsible”.  When we every turned eighteen we became (officially) our self’s own individual.  It didn’t matter whether we had the most perfect parents of all era or whether they were only human ones who made mistakes.  We were who we were, a confused person using together negative and positive qualities and probably unaware at the era of how to retain the positive and discard the negative. 

It is a shame that if we are lucky, twenty years later we possibly will see the light when our children are resenting us since we made mistakes being a parent.  After eighteen years of age there is no one responsible for you but you.  You may possibly try to hide from that fact your entire life, but you will never truly be happy.